Take your age and divide it by 2.
Do you think you are a bit wiser than you were then? Have you learned any lessons since? I was pretty dumb at 25 years old but at the time, I felt like the most intelligent being on Planet Earth. Funny how that is, isn’t it?
Two days ago, I turned 50 and I sent my book out for editing the day before, so I am kind of “typed out” but I thought a 50th birthday post was important so here we go… This list is completely off the top of my head and is incomplete and I suppose a bit on the subjective side so if you find fault with my list, just make your own as we all have different experiences and circumstances. When I am 100, I will likely think I was pretty dumb at 50.
10 Things that I was wrong about:
1. A comfortable Life is a Good Life.
The scariest place I have ever been is the place that is most comfortable. Scary because it is stagnant with no opportunity for growth. No one likes to be uncomfortable but, the quest to escape the tough times, and the painful bad days they brought with them, robbed me of the good days and the happiness they bring. You cannot have the highs without the lows and bad days are just bad days. Deal with them and move on.
2. A Good Credit Score is the Key to Financial Success
I wasted so much time, effort, and money to buy things I don’t need to impress people that don’t care all while using money that was the bank’s and not mine. I saw my credit score as a measure of financial success. When I finally figured out what financial freedom looks like, the need for a credit score has no bearing on my life although it is nearly perfect. Debt-free living gave way to financial stress-free living and removed so much worry from my life. Living below my means, paying off all debt, and having enough money put away so that I won’t be a burden when I am old is life changing! **before you go off about personal situations, I get it, we are all dealing with our own set of circumstances. It took us over 20 years to undo all the damage caused by debt and to unlearn bad spending habits and poor money management and there were a few years our combined income was under 300 dollars a week; I have been there. **
3. A Marriage is Successful Because of Love
After 30 years of marriage, it is clear to me that love is not what holds a marriage together. Commitment and sacrifice are the glue to make it stick. It would be great to think I am always a lovable guy but after 35 years together with Heather I am sure she’d tell you there are a few times I am not too lovable. Love is great and I am truly more in love with Heather than when I was 18 years old but love alone is not enough. Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, so you must be committed for the long haul.
4. Smashing Big Goals is the Way to Success
Goals are great! Goals have certainly been life-changing for me, but I have learned that the process to achieve the goal is what brings success and not the goal itself. The daily grind of commitment over time is where we build our habits. The things that aren’t sexy like waking up before the rest of the world, working hard at your passion while everyone is “winding down” at the bar, and sacrificing the short-term with the bigger picture in mind. The key is to be process-focused with the goal being secondary to the process.
5. Men Don't Cry
Tough guys don’t have feelings much less talk about them. For some reason I stuffed my feelings and emotions to the bottom of my gut where, in time, they filled me with anxiety, stress, and most of all, bitterness. When we talk or write about our feelings, we give them an exit door. The only thing that shuts that door is fear and pride. Get those feelings out so you can move on, if you shed a few tears, then so be it.
6. A Spiritual Life is a Crutch for People That Can’t Cope on Their Own
Just the idea that you are on this planet for a purpose and there is a plan for your life to make this world better should put a smile on your face. When you really get locked in on a purpose that is greater than yourself you will find your passion and it will supercharge your life. Find your purpose, live with passion.
7. Pleasing Everyone is the Best Way to Have a Lot of Friends and Everyone Should Like You
Your friends are your future, period. Surround yourself with folks that are heading in your direction and preferably ahead of you. You will make some people uncomfortable because they don’t understand where you’re headed and that’s okay. Do YOUR thing not theirs. If everyone likes you and you have the same 5 close friends from high school, you probably need to do some reflecting.
8. There’s No Such Thing as a Relationship with Yourself Unless You Have Multiple Personalities.
There is no dodging the fact that you do indeed have a constant conversation with yourself. If you think you don’t, it’s likely because you have a terrible one going on. The conversation that takes place in your head is of utmost importance. If you tell yourself, you are worthless enough times you will believe it. If you tell yourself, you are a champion you will believe it. Become your biggest fan, tell yourself that you’re doing well, and forgive yourself when you screw up so you can move on.
9. Giving Will Cost You and the More You Give the Less You Will Have.
Giving, whether time, money, or energy, is critical for living your best life. This world needs giving people and you don’t need money to help. Spend time to be of service and do it on purpose with regularity. I can tell you that it is much harder to have a bad day when you are helping people that are in unfortunate circumstances.
10. This Is As Good As It Gets
Life is full of seasons, and some are longer than others, but they all come to an end in some fashion. If life seems to be going perfectly, it will change but enjoy the good times. When life sucks, I mean really sucks, it’s easy to lose hope and feel like it can’t ever change. These seasons are the ones that need a deep breath, a long exhale, and discipline to keep moving forward even if it’s slow. Keep that hope in front of you and keep moving forward because things can and will change. Above all, do not give up because this world needs you and you are here for a reason.
