“You’re famous in Alden lol.”
This morning a Facebook Memory came up in my feed. “On This Day 6 Years Ago” Heather shared a photo with the words “You’re famous in Alden lol.”
It was the first time I had ever been in any sort of media. I had been through hell. I was tossed into the fire and I had come out the other side refined and forever changed. The article talked about my journey as I had just completed a half marathon with a still-valid handicapped parking pass. I completed a second half just weeks later. I was on cloud nine. Just a couple years prior I was a 400-pound food addict with a crippling disease called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I was addicted to opioids and Fentanyl. I was an alcoholic and I was chronically sick. Unhappy and bitter, I had lost hope in life.
For some reason God gave me a second chance (actually many second chances) and I made the most out of it. I conquered the addictions and obesity along with the chronic illnesses. I would go on to lose more weight and cross many more finish lines. That half marathon would evolve into thousands and thousands of miles and ultra-distance races up to 50 miles long. I was unstoppable. I had no fear, and no distance was out of the question.
This morning I set a goal to walk one mile. No pace requirements and no expectations. One mile, just one. I left the house with zero confidence and to be honest I was a little scared. I started down the road and my left foot is dragging a bit. Working really hard, I concentrated to get my legs to “fire.” It seems someone turned off the power to them. I know how to fix it though. I just change my posture a bit and stand taller then they will start to work again.
As I stand taller, I feel a tingling sensation in the back of my legs and my hips as it gets more intense, I have to let up on the posture change. After a few hundred feet I find that sweet spot to split the difference between loss of feeling and loss of function. I am getting better at this and I finished my mile feeling proud. I felt good enough for a victory lab making it a mile and three-quarters. During my “victory lap” I was fixated on that memory on Facebook.
As I reflected on that day 6 years ago a thought popped into my head.
*We pour our entire being into a battle as we face an insurmountable giant of an opponent that towers over us. We win in the final seconds having put everything we are made of on the table. In time, we realize that what we recognized as an epic battle was, in reality, just a light sparring match for what is to come.
Realizing that this morning stung a little bit but at the same time it was somewhat refreshing and assuring.
Sometimes we are faced with a monumental challenge, a challenge that seems impossible, a challenge that will only be won by changing who you are as a person. Sometimes we face the challenge head-on and overcome unimaginable obstacles to become a new and improved version of ourselves. We grapple with these challenges like our lives depend on it, and many times, they do. Doing whatever it takes to win, we get back up even when we can’t and even when it makes no sense to those around us. And sometimes a few people make it to the other side of an “impassable” mountain to find themselves on the backside of a “life transformation.” The feeling of ecstasy moves in as people start noticing and sharing your story. You’ve won! The underdog has beaten down the giant in an epic battle…. Cue Billy Mays’ voice, “but wait….there’s more…”
That giant has friends, lots of them. As it turns out, that fight wasn’t as epic as you thought it was. Your adversary was a “giant in training,” and unskilled at best. I guess I always imagined my journey as this mountain to climb so I get this blissful plateau to carry out the rest of my life in a relaxed state. Ya know, sort of like a life-transformation retirement.
I think there’s a lesson in here for everyone though. (I wrote this for myself more than anyone) We all face battles and have ugly seasons in life. Some things we bring on ourselves and some we have little control over. It is so easy to get obsessed with focusing on what we can’t control. I think sometimes it leaves us with a great excuse not to roll up our sleeves and slide our gloves on.
We can control more than we think, and that can have a profound effect on the outcome of our battles. We can choose to fight and with how much intensity we will bring to the fight. You can choose to get back up even though everything inside us tells us to stay down. We can choose how much importance we place on the fight and how many of our resources we will spend. Most importantly, we choose how grateful we will be while doing battle and after the battle.
The storms can make the sunshine brighter, the battle cries can make the songs in your heart sweeter, and the painful wounds can make the scars seem beautiful. Without these uphill battles we would never get to peek at clouds or the stars and even though the downhill seems more comfortable you end up staring at the dirt the entire time. Once again, cue Billy Mays’ voice, “but wait….there’s more…”
You can also take comfort in the fact that you have now built a literal lifetime of experience and that your life has a plan and a purpose. Warriors don’t train to sit on the couch they train to win and become champions.
You may lose a couple rounds you may win a couple rounds, heck, you may lose all the rounds. In the end all that matters is that you get the KO before the fight is over because your time has expired. Once you understand and accept this idea, you then have a choice. You are free to keep fighting. Regardless of the time left in the round, how badly you are losing, or how strong your opponent happens to be, you don’t quit….ever. That person in the mirror that looks back at you every morning is worth every ounce of energy you can muster up to keep moving forward on your path.
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Before you know it, you’ll be on the other side of it and you can rest assured that someone, somewhere, needs your story to rise one more time from the mat.
- I have no clue if any of this will make sense to anyone but if ya’ll could do me a favor it would be great….. “Eat plants and move your body, all ya gotta do is a little more than ya did yesterday.”
Much love,
-Tim
