I haven’t written a blog in forever and I don’t usually write about specific events nor do I write “race reports”. I still don’t see myself as a “real runner” whatever that means, but I run, I work hard, and I train with passion. So, who knows where this post will go? Wherever it goes, it goes.
Typically, after a major event or challenge, I try to think about three things I’ve learned then I give myself three days to reflect, relax, and bask in the victory. After the three days have passed I close the book and neatly tuck it away on my mental book shelf in case I need to refer to it later in life and then I move on to the next thing. It’s weird, but I have always told myself that I never want to be defined by what I accomplish or the challenges I have overcome, rather who I become in the process. The medals, finisher shirts, and victories are all really cool but they are nothing compared to the persistence, commitment, discipline, and self-esteem that you carve out in the training process along the way.
So, here it is, my Beast of Burden 50 mile ultra-marathon “lessons learned” trifecta. It’s kinda funny, these lessons have very little to do with running and everything to do with life itself. Maybe that’s why I love endurance running, it is relative to life and how we perceive it. My three take-aways:
#1
For months I had thought about what 50 miles would feel like. I know exactly what I feel like after a marathon or a 50k, and exactly what I felt like the next day. I could not imagine running one step further. It was so hard to digest what 50 miles would feel like and look like. At the start of the race, I tried once again to envision it, even at mile 45 I couldn’t picture a 50 on my watch. I never wrapped my brain around 50 miles and in the end I learned I never really needed to. See, it was never about understanding 50 miles or the 100,000 steps in the miles. The entire event was about the very next step. Just one more step.
There was no way I could run two marathons in a row; that was impossible. BUT I could always go just one more step. And step by step, mile by mile, the finish line became closer and closer without me even noticing because I was just focused on that next step. Sometimes life gets to be overwhelming. Sometimes we can’t wrap our brains around a challenge we face. But what if we don’t need to? What if all we have to do is muster up enough courage to take that next step? Maybe it is just how we frame the situations. Life is about perspective.
#2
I had every intention for things to get ugly. I had played the race out at least a dozen times in my head. My training 25 mile training run the exact same course was flawless. I knew that I could run strong for at least 31 miles and then it was going to be a push. I started the race strong but conservative just like I had planned. The first 13 miles went well. Then it happened… mile 15.
I felt like I was running with a 5k effort to maintain the pace of a power walk. I distinctly remember telling myself that the “wheels fell off” and that phrase followed me with every painful step to mile 25 where I would pick up my family to pace me. Of course I was happy and relieved to see them but I was also mentally defeated. I wanted to quit. My tank was empty and I was only half way done. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen, I was supposed to feel good at this point.
As Heather and I started back out on the course I was very quiet and actually deep in thought. I was trying to figure out what makes the wheels fall off every time I have a race. Specifically, what exactly does it mean when the “wheels fall off”? After a few minutes I realized that I was the one that decided that the wheels fell off. I knew exactly when it had happened. The wheels coming off were just another way to say, “I quit, mentally, I am done.” If I decided that they were off, could I be the one that puts them back on? As it turns out, yes, I could decide to overcome what my brain wanted and grab a new set of wheels and install my spare tires.
By mile 27 I was smiling and singing to the top of my lungs as I scooted down the trail with Heather. In life we have a choice. Sometimes it feels like the wheels are coming off and sometimes we are at a complete stop with the wheels 2 miles behind us. If we remember that we decided when and if the wheels came off then we can decide to put our spare tires on. Sometimes those spare tires are better than the originals. Life is about perspective.
#3
“Be the turtle” – This is the last advice that was given to me before the race started by one of our local running all-stars, Heather B. She is always so encouraging and happy out there and it’s so contagious but I didn’t want to be a turtle. Most of the time I get so frustrated because my goal is to “just finish”. I want to be fast. I want to be a rabbit, but I put myself through so much needless anxiety by wanting to be faster than I am. What I am is a turtle, not on purpose, and hopefully not forever.
I felt so slow coming into the last 13 miles of the race. Something in my thought process changed though. I think I had finally decided that I was really going to finish or maybe I just became delusional, who knows? Instead of focusing negatively on how slow I was, I began to become proud of myself for my relentlessness. I actually started to feel better and was able to string a few miles of running together with my daughter. It felt good and I was proud of myself for working hard regardless of my pace. Then something super cool happened. We saw little blinking red lights in the distance getting closer and closer. We were actually making up ground and we passed a few runners in the process.
In the end, I know I am a turtle but I choose to focus on the idea that I am a relentless turtle that is relentless enough to pick up that same badass medal as the rabbits. I also realized that there are rabbits out there with a DNF by their names and regardless of the number by my name, it is not a DNF. So, I am a proud turtle and I think that’s a huge part of life. Learning to be patient while being persistent can be an amazing recipe for success in almost every aspect of life. Life is about perspective.
Family
My favorite part of this entire event was that a few years ago my wife and children took me on my first walk with a purpose. I DNF’d (did not finish) at less than a mile in almost an hour. The four of us reunited for our second time on the trail together. They were my strength and my reason to keep going. It was a beautiful thing. They lead a former 400 pound, crippled, addict to the finish line of a 50 mile race.
It didn’t matter that I couldn’t wrap my brain around 50 miles, it didn’t matter that the wheels had fallen off and I rode on rims for a while, it didn’t matter that I was a turtle. What mattered is that I got to spend the day with the most precious people in the world and those people “carried” me to my first 50 mile finish line. It was a beautiful thing to say the least.
So there ya go. Weird blog post, I know but it’s just some thoughts I had floating in my head. Maybe it will help someone, maybe not.
